Introducing myself

To say it's been a long time, is an understatement. Life has been turpsy turvy. I can not even begin to explain, so let's delve in. Change is a funny phenomena. It brings with it fresh air, and a much needed sense of relief. But how do you really know if it's for the best or not? All i can say is, change is introducing me to myself. Guess what the common denominator is in whatever change i go through? It's me. Now that i have come to that conclusion, i really get that shit does not just happen to me. I play a part, the most important part. This is my life, and i am the star of it. Nothing happens on this stage without my permission. Sure there are unforseen circumstances, but i still decide how i want to be affected by these circumstances. Let me reiterate myself, change is introducing me to myself. Let me say, it is not all pretty. The hardest thing for me to do is admit defeat. I'm very skilled at making the evidence support "my facts", thus it is hard to pinpoint reality. But when you sit down with yourself, and look deep in your soul with a smirk on your face. The little voice within, never speaks a lie. It tells you the harsh reality that evades your consciousness. This is a hard journey to travel. Being introduced to the not so nice in me. The flaws that seem to scar my soul like a battlescars to a soldiers soul. I feel ravished with imperfection. I remember a line in the movie, "The Great Debaters", "Prison is the hardship that introduces a man to himself". In the same breath i daresay that i'm being introduced to myself but prison is not the culprit. Pain, hurt, change, love, confusion,indecisiveness, emptiness; these are doing a fine job of the introduction process. I do not know how long this will take, but i will stick to it. I have to be true to myself. I will do what i have to, so i can do what i want.