Introducing myself

To say it's been a long time, is an understatement. Life has been turpsy turvy. I can not even begin to explain, so let's delve in. Change is a funny phenomena. It brings with it fresh air, and a much needed sense of relief. But how do you really know if it's for the best or not? All i can say is, change is introducing me to myself. Guess what the common denominator is in whatever change i go through? It's me. Now that i have come to that conclusion, i really get that shit does not just happen to me. I play a part, the most important part. This is my life, and i am the star of it. Nothing happens on this stage without my permission. Sure there are unforseen circumstances, but i still decide how i want to be affected by these circumstances. Let me reiterate myself, change is introducing me to myself. Let me say, it is not all pretty. The hardest thing for me to do is admit defeat. I'm very skilled at making the evidence support "my facts", thus it is hard to pinpoint reality. But when you sit down with yourself, and look deep in your soul with a smirk on your face. The little voice within, never speaks a lie. It tells you the harsh reality that evades your consciousness. This is a hard journey to travel. Being introduced to the not so nice in me. The flaws that seem to scar my soul like a battlescars to a soldiers soul. I feel ravished with imperfection. I remember a line in the movie, "The Great Debaters", "Prison is the hardship that introduces a man to himself". In the same breath i daresay that i'm being introduced to myself but prison is not the culprit. Pain, hurt, change, love, confusion,indecisiveness, emptiness; these are doing a fine job of the introduction process. I do not know how long this will take, but i will stick to it. I have to be true to myself. I will do what i have to, so i can do what i want.

A Blank Page

A blank page?
A blank page is what he wants me to be
No words of defiance
No words of my own
A blank slate, like writers block
Is what he desires of me?
No hiccups in his plan
His love is all too clear
But before you rise to condemn him
look inside long and hard
Deep within where the light shines not
Where only you can bear witness
I beg thee shine the light
Is this not what you too desire?
A woman with no mind
One to cook, clean and love
Opinions trivial and meaningless
Aspirations needless
Is this not what you want?

A blank page
You want sons who follow in your footsteps
As if your feet were the only ones
To ever tread this earth
If not a president, then a lawyer
And if he can not live up to
These aspirations, a teacher would do
So you can boast of his nobility
As you shake your head in the
Cuddles of your lady’s bosom
And wonder how such could be
The seed of your loins

A blank page
Is that not what you want?
People that follow without question
Do as they are told
Rigid and honorable
Like a soldier in battle
Is this not your every desire?
Lay the format for the children
Kill originality because it is indecent
Dress it up with concern for all
And gullible we all fall
Is this not what you desire?
Yes it is and you are to blame
For mediocrity that is widespread
No longer a thinking nation.

A blank page, waiting for ideas to spring forth
This is what we are.
Here today, let us bring back the martyrs
The era of revolution
The power of creativity
I don’t know about you,
But it’s time for something new under the sun
For we are not God
And have not seen it all
Give me a Michael, give me a Beethoven
Introduce me to Aristotle
Tales of legends
We can not quantify
Give me a page with substance
A blank page, I ask not for.

© Nneka K.E Osuala

Crossroads

Ironic that i should start blogging at the point in which i find myself. My life at a crossroads, and new beginnings present itself. What do i have to say? Fear is a strange emotion. It can keep you on the path of righteousness, be the angst that one needs to fulfill life dreams, or be the shackles that hold you captive. The most frightening element of fear, is it's ability to disguise. It could trade places with responsibility, truth, virtue, evil, and so much more. Believe me friends, it is adept and capable to fool those who are sure of themselves. I have been a prisoner to fear so long, i can't remember when our relationship began. Fear has given me a different life. A life that is ideal, but not mine. That however, is a topic for another day. This is after all my first blog. In conclusion, don't let your fears keep you captive. As cliche as it sounds, you are the only one standing in your way.